I Never Knew

And just as I know not where you have gone; I know not where to go. I am thinking of you now, who were my trusted companion .You I loved. Can you be happy where you are? If I only could've known, I'd have protected you as you protected me. But I never knew, I never knew.

Christmas is upon us, which means a new year is right around the bend. I, for one, cannot wait for 2006 to be over. I had my triumphs, and my sadness. I loved, and I lost. I felt bitterness and resentment that cannot be paralled. I've felt grief so enduring, I thought it would never lift.

I have this illusion in my mind that when the clock strikes midnight, everything will be gone. All the pain of this past year will be suddenly lifted, like some sort of opaque curtain. Perhaps this will happen. It will after all, be a new year. A new beginning, if you will. A chance to start over. To heal. To move on.

And at the same time, there's sadness in this this. This "moving on".
Because, unavoidingly , by moving forward, we are leaving something behind. We are leaving people places in 2006, as we progress to 2007. It's the final realization. The passing of time. The realization that things change; and that despite these changes, life goes on.

Everything subsides with the passage of time in a way. The adage "Time heals" has somehow proven true. When the first significant death in my life occured, and someone first told me about how "time heals all things", I was incredulous and refused to believe that it was even a possibility.

Time passes. This we can be sure of. Even though sometimes, we wish it didn't. We wish we could freeze a moment in time, and cradle it forever.

So, at 11:59, I'll go . I'll move timidly into the new year. I'll feel bad, no doubt. I feel guilty moving on with my life, as ones I love are stuck here forever. Right before the ball drops, I know that I'll look back, as if asking for approval.

" Go on" they'll tell me.

And that's exactly what I'll do.


I never knew That you would remain where other birds took flight. And if I had, would I have clung to you? I never knew.

Underappreciated

Unappreciated is the worst thing anyone can be.
and that, my friends, is a fact.