It's 8:14 AM.
I shouldn't be awake, considering I woke up at 5:00 AM yesterday, and went to bed late last night.
I hate being in bed.
Everything seems worse when your alone in a dark room, with all the time in the world to divulge in a little self-pity.
I hate being able to just...lay there and think.
Usually it's nice to just be able to relax. But now every time I have a quiet moment to myself, the guilt and worry and devastation start nibbling at my brain stem. I start to cry. I start to worry. So many things are flooding through my mind. I want to go abroad next year! I want my parents to not hate the very ground I walk on! I don't especially want to go back to LVPA next year! I don't want to have to confront Dave and Ellen about why they wasted $10,000 on a fuck up like me.
I am so nervous and frenzied.
My blood pressure is through the roof.
There's a knot in my stomach that won't come undone.
I don't want to eat,sleep, or do anything.
I just want to know if I'm going to have the make the most heart wrenching decision of my life.
Skipper and Mozart just came over to me. Skipper made a cute little "pet me!" noise. I love how animals have that...sense when someone is upset.
please, please come. please.
