I'm drinking the worst peach iced tea that I've ever tasted in my life. It's some sort of generic brand of "Crystal Light" but dear Lord...it's absolutely horrible.
I should be doing a lot of things right now. I should be reading " Il Gattopardo," or perhaps getting through my endlessly long Italian grammar book that I promised myself I would finish before term starts in August. I should give my dog a bath, I should do some dusting around the house, and I certainly should be studying. Should I say studying once more?
Instead, I'm here. I am waiting for news to come via mail, or via phone. I've been waiting for so long, and the wait never seems to get any shorter. It's just one setback after another. I hardly expect to hear any news. Everyday I do my thing, and while it's always in the back of my mind, I don't get my hopes up anymore.
Sometimes I feel like, as a woman who was adopted, I can never fully "grow up." When in search of information about myself that others take completely for granted,I am treated almost as a common criminal. Proof of identity, therapy sessions to gauge my readiness, months and months of waiting for this bureaucratic nightmare to end. Both adult parties are willing and ready to meet- why am I constantly being infantilized?
I know that this isn't true. Confidentiality issues and waiting are a part of the world. I'm just tired of having to constantly prove myself in an attempt to know myself. I'm not a child. I'm not stupid. I deserve (dare I say it?) to know the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth- about myself..
These things all go through my mind until reality seeps in and I realize that this is how the government works, and that these blockades are put into force in an attempt to reduce problems later on. I know this. I accept it and have no real problem playing by the rules. The wait is just torture. It's long. but I have hope that it won't be fruitless.
In other news- I'm happy with my life as it is. I'm dieing for classes to start, excited about the potential of getting some color this summer, and generally happy with my relationships, familial and otherwise.
There's only one thing missing...and hopefully it will come soon enough.
