It's very warm in my house. Even though I'm wearing just a tank top and shorts, the heat is almost stifling. Maybe its because I'm nervous. Because I know that the inevitable is approaching , and it's coming pretty fast. I'm not even sure if its the right thing to do. Will I just end up hurting myself more? I have all the answers I'm ever going to get... maybe prolonging this is just bad for everyone. But most importantly, maybe its bad for me. For once, I am going
to think only about myself. I always put the needs of others before my own. Not tonight. Tonight I am going to think about how this has complicated my life. How being " in contact" has hurt me more than it has ever helped me. It brought about emotions I didn't even know I had. It made me feel lost, confused, hurt, and sorry.
Sorry I ever got into this mess. I'm sorry that Ellen thinks I want to steal whats hers. I'm sorry that she hates me so much. I'm sorry that I've essentially failed at making the reunion work. This reunion has failed.
God, I'm so fucking sorry.
I am seriously fed up. To my limit. I know what I need to do, but it just hurts so goddamn much.
I'll make a few rough drafts tonight, and think on it some more.
