I have never felt so awful.
Frustration is taking over.
My mind is a jumbled mass of thoughts that I don't know how to express.
I just want things to change.
I want so desperately for this to all go away. I wish they didn't exist. I wish I was born into what I know now, without the insanity that is my genetic makeup.
I want to be near them. I want a relationship. I want to maintain it, because I think it's important. I try to find affection for everyone in my life, and acknowledge what each of them has brought into it. At the same time, however, I feel as if I'll never be able to get on with my life. I'll never be able to progress, without digressing twice as much.
One step forward, two steps back.
They inhibit me. They confuse me. They tug at my very prominent heartstrings.
I am nothing to them. Just one of the many "well handled" situations.
You feel abandoned? You stupid little shit.
I wish I could show you.
