The reality is finally setting in.
Piano, piano. Slowly. Slowly.
Slowly, and ever so painfully.
And yet, even with the realization that I truly am leaving in 4 days, I have yet to fully..feel it.
Oh I’ve felt something, sure; pinpricks of soreness and little previews of the severe anguish that is sure to occupy the next few days of my life. But to be honest the authenticity that I will, in fact, be boarding a plane in Switzerland whose wheels will touch upon the pavement at JFK international airport in NYC is something that I cannot yet comprehend. Or perhaps I am reacting upon human instinct, and avoiding those agonizing thoughts for as long as I can.
I cannot…imagine what those last moments are going to be like when I am in Rome before I board the bus to go to the airport. That will be the moment I leave my friends from Intercultura, to embark on my long, stressful journey home.
I will cry. This is a certainty. Even as I am writing now, I feel my chest tightening, the first signals of tears that are sure to arrive. If now, I am feeling the beginnings of snuffles, what will it be like when I actually have to say goodbye? I will moan , and cry, and hug until arms are sore and I have to force myself to let go.
It will be especially difficult , I think, for me to leave Daniela, who I’ve grown to love with such fierceness. I’ve seen her every day for a year. She has been such.. a crutch in my life. A crutch in the sense that if I need something to lean on, there she is. Strong, solid, and dependable. I’ve been with her nearly every day, and it will be an adjustment to find my day, suddenly, without her in it. The attachments formed during periods of difficulty are the strongest. And so, saying “adios” to my dear Bolivian friend, is something I am dreading.
I can write, and reflect, and dread and anticipate, but nothing will prepare me for the near future. And this future that I speak of…it is coming all too fast. I am not prepared. I am not ready. And there is nothing I can do to make myself such. I am entering uncharted territory.
Saying goodbye makes me too nervous, so I’m going now to buy a suitcase with Daniela, and then we will watch movies at my house.
I am so sun burnt, you could boil an egg on my thigh.
