I missed you today.
Seeing the damage you've done to others fills me with sadness ,but also an inexplicable relief that I have been spared. From you, essentially. Does that hurt your feelings?
Maybe I am feeling this way towards you because I am currently in the process of grieving other things. Picking up the pieces, finding myself, collecting and processing past moments and turning them into memories. How beautiful this is, the creation of memory. It's what we are left with when god takens something away, or so I read somewhere once. We nurture these memories, we dance with them.
The pillow you gave me is losing its scent. It smelled of really strong lavander, but now I find that I have to bury my nose in it to detect even a hint of its former glory.
I hear that you still have some invested interest in me. Occasionally you will ask about me, or ask for my number. What is it that you want?
I see others with theirs, and I am so....jealous. So envious of that which everyone I know takes for granted. I want to search in your face, and find something of myself in it. I want to crawl into your arms. I want to know that everything is going to be alright. Tell me please.
I know that it is impossible for us to have anything.
